Gamers Dating Gamers

          Today I want to talk about girls. Now I know this isn't really a gamer's area of expertise, but I'm going to put my best, and probably most futile, effort into warning you about something you may stumble upon if you leave the basement to get another six-pack of Mountain Dew.

          It's not girls in general that you need to be warned about, God knows your parents have probably tried awkwardly at that already, but young ladies who call themselves gamers. If you consider yourself to be a gamer, I'm sure you'd like to find a girlfriend who's a gamer as well. Am I right? WOAH there! That was a trick question, and see how easy I have caught you off guard? Let's examine this further.

          So you meet a girl, and she says she's a gamer. Ok, fair enough, but how much of a gamer? A girl once described herself to me as a gamer, and when asked what she played, she hit me with "Mario Kart." As I recall, I was drinking something and nearly choked. For the ladies reading this, that does not qualify you to even jokingly refer to yourself as a gamer. While Mario Kart is admittedly a fantastic game, it is more of a pastime. That's like saying you are an excellent pilot based on your computer flight sim. Moving on.

          So we have got those posers out of the way, but what if they aren't lying? This path could be even more detrimental to your potential future relationship.....with your console or PC. You ask her if she's a gamer, she says yes, and drops all the right names. You're love struck. You're booty blinded. She asks you out. Your mouth managers to spit out the word "yes" through your drool. Life seems great, until you realize you've created a monster. You play games a lot, right? So does she. You want to finish your campaign tonight, right? So does she. It's a matter of sheer physics. There's one Xbox, one copy of Skyrim, and two people that want to play it. Ladies and gentleman, we have reached an impasse. So let this be a warning, if you are going to date a gamer, make sure you've got the hardware to support the relationship, and I'm not just talking about the bedroom (unless you have a console there).

          Now that we have gotten to the real meat of the issue, it's time for the proverbial double rainbow "what does this mean?" It means that the secret lies, as it usually does, in moderation. If you plan on exhibiting none in your gaming life, you better find someone who does. Find the girls that get bored after two games, they won't tie up the Xbox all night. Or look for the ones that stick to handheld gaming, they make for nice company while you play real games. If none of this works for you, long distance may be a good fallback.